My closest genetic relative.

I was one of those gifted kids in high school. The teachers hated me questioning them. Why didn't we talk about politico's profiting off the Vietnam War? Why couldn't I corn row April's hair after we finished our tests. I eventually figured out a loophole in the credit system to were I amassed all the classes I needed to graduate by the time I was halfway done my junior year. Right after I informed my guidance counselor it was my right to graduate, he called my parents and told them I was a trouble-maker (i was).
They let me work in the office after that, collecting attendance and doing menial jobs rather than have me come and go as I pleased. It was then that I got to experience the very special bond between a parent and their offspring. I see my sister sitting in the front office with the nurse. I ask her what's wrong. She says, " I'm sick." I figure that means she's going home so I sit down and start going through her bookbag to get my geometry homework back that she copied on a daily basis. The nurse picks up the phone and I hear the following conversation (on speaker, mind you):
Nurse: Hello Mrs. Belli. Samantha seems to not be feeling well today. I think you're going to need to come and pick her up.
Mom: And What exactly is the malady du jour? (God i love my mom)
Nurse: Well she seems to have an upset stomach and is looking pekid (whatever that word means).
Mom: Yea, she's hung-over.
Samantha: (yelling into speaker): I am not. I hurt my leg
Nurse: How?
Samantha: In, uhm, gym.
Mom: No Sam, after I locked Willam's window that you used to sneak out of after we nailed yours shut for letting boys in, you tried to sneak in the bathroom window and slipped in the tub. Probably hurt yourself that way, sweetie.
Samantha: Regarless Mother, my stomach hurts too
Mom: Ya Knocked up again?
Nurse: Thank you Mrs. Belli.
The nurse sent my sister back to class. I finished collecting the attendance. Sam went to her boyfriend's office and slept it off. Conviently, her boyfriend was the assistant football coach so she didn't have to walk too far on her jacked up leg. She's just that kinda girl.