Testicular Mood Rings and bar reviews.

I went to a bar called Fiesta Cantina this week.
There was a party for Joseph, a showfriend of mine who almost tried to "push up on it." Not because he was attracted to me, mind you. I attribute his groping me to the fact that he was so fall down drunk that he needed something to stabilize himself and he figured my cock would be stable enough so down my pants he went. He ended up just grabbing some balls though. But everyone's done that in this town. I pulled them out like every day for a month to scare people after I got Liposuction because they were black and blue and yellow and purple. It was like the first Testicular Mood Ring.

I went alone to the bar which is never any fun for me at first. Now people who know me in real life often wonder about my oft-mentioned/never seen boyfriend of 4 years. Well he doesn't really like theater and tends to not to ever want to shut his phone off. He loudly sighs or claps overly loud with a couple of seconds between each clap. I dragged him to a comedy show and he ran into Joseph the birthday boy and his date. Now he only knows Joseph as "the guy from the show in the white jacket that he'd pork." (yes those are his exact words). So Joseph's date is named Brett but the Man nicknamed him Princess Tiny Hands because he apparently has small hands that would be great for...uhm...fitting into tight spots. Long story short...I'm in the bar alone and don't know anyone but see Brett. I couldn't remember his name so yelling "Princess Tiny Hands! Yoo- Who...Princess Tiny Hands" got his attention. I then realized that his hands were normal size and the Man just must've had fisting on the brain or something.

Anyway...So my review of the bar is this.
Good drink prices. Joseph knows this first hands and owes his liver a huge apology. The decor was shit though. It reminded me of my Gram's bingo hall when they decorated it for the summer. (My grandma actually went on to get Hepatitis B from a hot dog that she ate at that very bingo hall). I'd be willing to return for parties and such but I think I'll limit my time there. It was better than the first time I was there though. I was actually only in the alley behind it when I watched a 6'5'' black queen go in the alley behind it on Cinco De Mayo and come out with $300 and a sombrero.
S/he came out of the alley singing "Pump pump pump, Gettit gettit, shake shake shake shake a little something." I was stunned that she was so familiar with one of Walt Whitman's early works. Oh wait. I think that's from Jock Jams 5...y'know...they one were they remixed great poetry works to bad sporting event beats for use during debate team trials and mathlete competitions.