Something borrowed (herpes) Something blue (balls)...

Rock of Ages has ended for the third time. I'm sure it'll be back soon.
I've lit more Bics than a crackhead on payday. See that little lighter in the picture? Well it owes me a fucking manicure. My nail lady went so far as to curse in English when she saw my jacked up thumb nail.
I accidentally got married though. While our stage manager Lindsay was gracefully taking a moment on the floor of Margaritaville, I made her my wife. She unfortunately remembers none of this though because she was passed out cold. Also unfortunate is the fact that I was so drunk that I couldn't consumate our blessed theatrical union. I don't want anyone to think it's because I had erectile dysfunction or anything. I had just gotten a handjob by the Elvis minister who wed us. I guess there's an annulment in my future. Pity. Marriages originating in Vegas are always so sacred. Right Britney?

Wang for Weddings. Wang as in Vera, not cock.

Vegas Redux.

I feel defiled. I feel like a super well adjusted rape victim.
I decided to try a new beer at a bar called O'Sheas. It was gamey to begin with considering it's located on the corner of Pimp & Keno. Yes. Keno kids. This was not a high roller establishment. So I go in and it's ghappy hour (5pm-2am) and try and get a beer. One gentleman customer thought it was acceptable to call me Carrot Top even though I was wearing leather capri pants and Carrot Bottom would have made waaay more sense. There was a lady to my left that had a massive drool problem that had saliva snaking down her face. God Bless her for thinking that a cocktail napkin could sop up the massive amount of fluid coming out of her mouth. The fact that she powdered her chin immediately after with some fine Wet&Wild powder didn't help much either.
But back to my bad experience. I saw a beer I had never tried. I figured "Vegas...why not?" So I did a shot and ordered two bottles of this new mysterious beer. Now after two beers and a whatever else I smoked/drank/suppositoried, I'm usually up close and personal with the casino carpet. I asked a castmate if I was drinking a pussy beer. They looked at me funny. Apparently, I was drinking O'Douls, a well known non-alcoholic beer. I was pissed. I'm going to to be the new spokeperson for them. "All the empty calories without the annoying buzz!"

Hey Nomi, maybe I can be your understudy....

VEGAS TO HOST OLYMPICS
Events are to include competitive blush/bronzer application and chain smoking.
The popular sychronized backstabbing showgirls competition (depending upon skill level) is subcatergorized to include a Mariah riff-off, vicious understudying, with a possibility for extra points for expressing jealousy just through evil glances and creative subterfudge.
Viewers should make sure to tune in to catch the new Hunt-4-Hair event where participants are required to spot as many fake ponytail clip on hairpieces in a 3 or 10 minute format (***please note, tackier hairpieces get more points especially if they're being worn by someone who bought it at a mall kiosk).
Please note that waking up old people who are asleep in front of slot machines is unsportsmanlike conduct and will be treated as such with instant disqualification. Also, telling 40+ women who are dancing on bars that their zipper is down and ruining the fun for everyone else is a killjoy and a flagrant violation of code 413.

Can you get a blood clot from sleeping in high heels?

That's the deepest thought I've had all week.
My schedule has been kicking my ass like a fat kid in dodgeball (when i was fat, i only played tetherball cause you got to stand still).
Everyone keeps congratulating me about about Canada and asking questions.
Here's some of my Canuck musings:

1. I witnessed some retail queen argue with his customer over whether his Dolce & Gabbana belt was a fake or not. He tried to show them how it was even inscribed on the edge with little tiny D's and G's. I thankfully checked out though before there was bloodshed. I mean truthfully, if the guy got the item in Thailand or something, it's relatively safe to believe that it was a knockoff that no one would be able to tell was indeed fraudulent. I mean those tricky little Thai's can draw a friggin bon sai on a single grain of rice. Knock offs for them are something they could do after a bottle of Robitussun.

2. I got lost while walking around Vancouver. None of the cab drivers that stopped would take my American money (although most stores do up here). Ending up in skid row was so not fun. It was just like the homeless skid row in LA but but on the water. Y'know, so the bums at least have a view of the mountains while they contemplated a quickly ending it all with a quick aquatic suicide.

3. God did let me have some fun though before my work got too crazy. I patronized a few of the finer establishments in St. Louis and Vancouver that had
(male) strippers. Both the boyfriend and I indulged in private dancers that were nothing like the ones Ms. Turner sang of.
My boyfriend of course went for a blond paul walker type but i had one with a tattooed neck and a penis that evidenced his family had traces of sequoia in it.

Rock & Roll+ TrAnn-Margaret = Rock of Ages Vegas!

I'm still in Canadianna shooting Saved but I already booked my next job (and I didn't even have to suck a ....i mean audition). Everyone's favorite musical Rock of Ages is getting a special two week presentation @ the Flamingo in Las Vegas in May.

Someone in Heaven has a sense of humor too. I finally got furniture for my house and now I'm going to be home for like 6 days in all of May to enjoy it. But who am I to look a gift whore in the mouth?

It's also Gay Pride the weekend Rock of Ages starts in LV. So get ready Las Vegas. You're not gonna be able to sit for a week after I'm done with you. Seriously.

...And to all of you that would like to come (NO PUSHING!) We have a Limited Engagement@ the Flamingo (right on the strip) in Vegas from May 12 - May. To get tickets, contact:Flamingo Box Office702-733-3333 or800-221-7299

Canada IS foreign.

So let's talk about Candidia, kids. The set of Saved in Vancouver to be exact.

The hair girl was great. She gave me big floozy Virginia Madsen-type hair. Her and her fellow Canadians have the cutest speech patterns. "Heavens to Betsy and Pete." They also say "righto" or "eh" after everything. The hair girl and the AD were having a conversation about hepatitis (I started it) and they said something blah blah needle blah cock blah hepatitis, eh? and then I asked what kind of hep and they said "Eh." And I said no...there's 3 kinds. One from eating shit, one from sex and another one. They looked at me like i was a lunatic and said a rather long drawn out syllable of "Aaaaaeeeh." I then realized they were saying hepatitis A and not "hepatitis, eh?"

My experience with the makeup gal girl wasn't so sweet. Her name was Lily but she reminded me more a weed. She had pin straight blond hair w/ ends flipped out, false lashes and a hip huggers that looked authentic 60's. I'm christening her Mary Tyler Whoore.
She wasn't allowed to do my face because I know how I look best. But she had to sit next to me to supervise and make sure I wouldn't throw some glitter on. She was so passive aggressive ("you're not moisturizing first?" & "hmmm...purple?). I finally pointedly put down down my brush and told her I know the difference between Tranny la Toillette and Pretty So-real-you-can-smell-the-fish Tranny. That shut her up.

She did get to lay a hand on me though when she was attempting to put a fake head wound on my forehead. Now I've had headwounds from the best during Nip/Tuck. Eryn Krueger and the Burman's makeup team has collectively won over 30 Emmy's. So when she broke out her little scar kit, I felt obliged to say something.
"that's doesn't look real."
"yes it is does".
"a knife wound wouldn't have a bunch of little tributaries of cut flesh."
"all of a sudden you're an expert?"
"Uh Yea... I was on Nip/Tuck. I know."
"Well let's just trade places then and you do my job for a day."
"only if you let me wear that super cute hat."
She stopped trying to put the scar on after that.

She did say one more thing though. Bitch said I needed to "blend my rouge." Ha....and they say there's no language barrier.

She didn't know she was messing with the US of Haaey.