Aspirations of an Evil Genius & the Smacktress.

So I'm a reluctant good Samaritan. A dancer at one of the clubs I work got his car towed. This after a night of dancing and not making much in the way of tips. I agreed to lend him the money to get his car out. We go and pull up to the tow lot and the attendant (who has a pit bull by his side) behind the fence informs us only the registered owner can come inside. I tell him I'm paying. He tells me to give Dancer Boy the money. I tell him it's my debit card.

"They only take cash sweetheart" a husky voice bellows out from a black Hybrid also waiting. So I bend down and look in the window to ask about an ATM nearby. "Do you know where...You're Elizabeth Perkins!"

"Yes I am. We're trying to find a spot to get money too."

"Ohmygod I love your work. You made me jump on a trampoline in an evening gown."

"Really...?" comes through loud and clear in a deadpan.

"Yea...OK. I should probably shut up since your dealing with a car towing situation now too and leave you alone. Bye."

So I race off looking for an ATM, get out $550, and speed back. Now the impound fee was only $225. But my master plan was to stroll back up and say "Hey-hey Miss Perkins. I got some extra cash. Want me to cover it? Oh- here's my headshot too. How 'bout a one-liner on Weeds?"

But Miss Elizabeth Perkins had the building. I was sad because I really wanted to tell her she should have been Golden Globe'd last year. But it might be for the better. I realized that if I were in her shoes and a drag queen approached my car (twice!) at a tow lot in the Valley @ 2am, I'd leave too. I mean seriously. Laurel Canyon is cute but the Valley is where Cher got mugged in Clueless...I'm lucky she didn't turn into a smacktress. (i.e. Eva Gabor, Tawny Kitaen)

Warner.

This is Warner and I.


I'm disappointed in him. Really...I'm sorry. I guess he can't be bothered to look at the camera. I guess he had something better to focus on.
Next week, I'll be focusing on his blah, boring, dirty-bag-of-potatoes brown hair. I'm not walking him around my block until I lift his base color to a nice caramel that flatters my coloring a bit more. (Fuck P.E.T.A. It's just lowlights.)

idle idolatry

So my one friend from American Idol, Katharine, and I hung out last month. I had a great pic to go with this post but it was on a camera that was lost in a move. The VIP section @ Tigerheat was swarming with people just wanting to look at her. It made me feel like an average donkey in a pen with a hot purebred mustang. But it was the best view to watch her perform....and free liquor courtesy of Miss McPhee not drinking because of a cold. I'm a vicious name dropper and need to be stopped before I harm myself or others.

It doesn't seem that fame has censored her candidness. She's such a cool chick and her figure is to die for now. I never really witnessed any of the bulimia stuff. Me, my girlfriend Seana and her went to McD's once to get food and she didn't want anything except a drink....a McFlurry. Now will you tell me what kind of bulimic gets a friggin milkshake with candy in it? Either way, I hope it was a small issue for her that her PR spun to get a great public image out there and put a hot face on a terrible ailment.

Either way, snatched, fierce and every other overused gay adjective applies to her. Check out her new album. I just downloaded it on i-Tunes and I love it.

TG Life interview

I did a little interview the night of the fashion show this spring and anyone that wants to watch it can go to this link or watch it below.

Interview w/ TG Life's Gina Lance

Now to clarify, this is not a cry for attention like some "I have a new pic up!", "Show me some love", bullshit ect like that.

It's pure unadulterated ego. Plus my outfit was super cute that day and seeing again is equatable with a trip to Lourdes. Without the poverty, sickness and long lines.

Hit Me Baby .08 times.

I went to Britney's "comeback" show in Anahiem this week. It was basically a fair to above average drag show. A bewigged person lipsynched to moves that looked regurgitated from MTV videos (nevermind the fact that they were at least her videos).

She wore the microphone over her ear and the only good thing it did was keep the wig hair out of her lip gloss on the right side of her face. She wasn't wearing a battery pack either strangely enough...hmmm.

It's sorta like Whitney sitting through a hairdresseing appointment when we all know she could just drop it off at the salon and go for a fuckin' swim.

And speaking of, the wig was very baby's-first-crossdress. Old school drag 101 shit. A headband with a wig attached. COP-OUT. She shoulda gone hardcore pixie hair with a leather catsuit.

All in all, a mediocre show that I would probably go to again had I the chance. It was free at least because I went with a tabloid editor. I shoulda brought the bitch her mail. I keep getting fan letters for her at my house. Return addresses include penetentiaries and church groups. Seriously.
(if you don't understand the mail comment, read the previous entry)