Thursday, July 31, 2008

CUSS-tomer Service

Last night, I was training a new cashier at one of the bars I help oversee. A preening muscle queen came in and tried to haggle on the admission price. Despite 20 boys dancing for dollars, Chi Chi Larue DJ'ing & giving away some of her more elegant titles and free shots from the classy guy standing in the hot tub in wet, white underwear.

I can see why he was arguing. I mean I hate complimentary liquor and dick too.

Anyway, this tool went about telling us how we should let him in for free because "he never pays cover."

He unfortunately had a bitchy ass attitude and his face acted like I was alternating in stabbing his mom and shitting on my register. I let my young protege handle it. Newbie told him that "we don't let girls in for free and Madonna might want her rosary back in case she reinvents her look again." I was silently very proud of Newbie for the sass.

But Mr Muscles was OH-fended. He left.

There was a lesson to be learned so I'm glad that bossy bottom helped the sitch so demonstratively. When a customer treats me like an asshole, it's only my job to let them know that I shouldn't be treated like an asshole, not to be an actual asshole back to them.

Usually, the offended party will come back and pay to get in once they realize the the bar I'm at has all the business and the cute crowd for the night on the strip.

However, if once they're back, and the shot boy "accidentally" pours a vodka-cranberry shot mostly in their mouth but also down their face and shirt...well, I dunno...just not much I can do about that (other than give the shot boy a fiver for doing exactly what I told them too by making the secret whipperwhill whistle's like a beautiful songbird in the forest with a dick in her throat).


Blogger The_Aitch said...

I don't know what boxmeat is but I like the sounds of it.

And, although those boyz in that pic are kinda cute, being all smooth and with the large packages and whatnot, I'm pretty sure that if I was a gay man I'd totally be into bears.

But, actually, if I was a gay man I think I might be a never mind, I'd like the kind of gays you've shown here. Wait, no, then they probably wouldn't like me because I'd be a bear.

fuck, I'm all confused now.

Being gay is hard y'all.

11:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


11:28 AM  
Blogger Alice. said...

I do so love hearing a queen get handily disarmed. It makes me feel one with the universe, or something.

8:31 PM  
Anonymous shaybaby said...

What is the name of this bar? I'll pay a cover to see an asshole get his face cracked. I have a job that involves dealing with the public too. Its always nice when you can get a little payback. lol You had me at hot wet guys. I'll be in L.A. next week and I need something to do. Will you be there? If so,I'm so there!

3:29 PM  
Blogger willam said...

tues@ MJ's . Wed @ Here Lounge.

3:34 PM  
Anonymous Alexzandro said...

Man, at my job, we have to call the manager up in order to seek our revenge against the customers that are pissing us off. What you did is like the ultimate dream come true! KEEP THAT ATTITUDE UP!

10:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God I wish I lived in West Hollywood.


12:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

honey lamb you don't need to wait for a publisher to publish your book!!! do it yourself and keep a hundy percent of the profits. then if publishers are coming for you later, they can handle reprints and distro after the jump. <3

4:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hunty why don't you just publish your own book! have an intern reprint all these blog pages and hire an editor off odesk or something. then if publishers come for you later, they can handle reprints promo and distro after the jump (and after you have already raked in a hundy percent of your own profits) <3

4:19 AM  

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