escargot, my car go 150 swiftly.
Last night I was taking out the trash in stockings after getting home from a gig at 2 am. I stepped on something crunchy. I was like whatever-probably a palm frond or some earthquake tectonic plate shit. It's not sharp, doesn't feel bad. Whatevs.
So I sit on the couch to watch my Tivo'd Lewis Black Root of All Evil and I feel something weird in my foot. I can barely feel anything since my feet had been crammed into 5 inch heels and my toes had a diamond pattern from the fistnets almost scabbed into them. So I feel up the foreign something in the other foot with the still pristine foot.
The grossest thing EVER
There was part of a cracked shell and a snail THAT WAS FUCKING MOVING stuck in the sole of my fishnets on the underside of the toes.
Those stockings and panties came off faster than Delta Burke eating a moon pie (while hoarding...it's a disease)