Good fat

I had a great photo shoot this week by Marc Cartwright for an upcoming issue of Cybersocket magazine.
The days leading up to it had me avoiding salt so I wouldn't bloat (and food so I wouldn't look fat either). Getting down to my filming weight is never fun. If I get hungry after like 6 or 7 at night, I just take an Ambien.
I had a friend trying to school me on what I was doing and it's detriment.
She said, "I think you have an eating disorder."
"Think...?" I replied.
Truth is half of Hollywood has an eating disorder. I don't throw up but I do limit calories, take A-lli, Phentermine and sleep aids to help keep my waist under 30. Don't come at me talking about how avocado is a "good fat." That's like saying Nice Murder. Just doesn't compute in my head.

I know what I'm doing may not be great for my body in the long run. But if I live to be 59 instead of 75, I'll be OK with that. The only thing my grandparents did at that age was play Bingo.
Speaking of, this week at Legendary Bingo, one of our celebrity guests was retired porn twink Robbie Angel. He brought along some whole folks with him including a porn actress who'd garned her industry nickname of The Anal Angel. I had no clue that ass fucking was rewarded with canonization of any sort. Angel my ass.
Our other guest was Estelle Harris who notably played George's mom on Seinfield. She's still spry at 75 years of age but it just seemed like a lot of work. If I ever reach 75, I want to enjoy the life a lot like my St. Bernard. Eating, shitting and drooling. And I won't eat "good fats" either.

To all you size 8's

I'm selling a the Levi's Project Runway denim mini dress on Ebay. Remember that cute denim cocktail dress that Ricky did right before he got his ass sent home. It sold out within an hour of the episode airing. I bought it in an 8 and a 10 because I wasn't sure of how it would fit. Oh the shame, quel horror! The 10 actually fits better.

Click here to bid on the dress

If you're a blog reader and you buy it, I won't charge you shipping (but I'll be sending it via mule & cart).

Call me now for your free reading...

And by reading I mean, "Girl your hair is fucked up and you must not love yourself coming outta the house in sweats looking like a backup dancer."

I had a bit of a time this past week. My cell phone carrier, Voce, went bankrupt. My phone number was locked so I had to get a new one. I felt like I was raped. No one to direct my anger to. No one to fix what hab been done. I couldn't even switch my number over because the company locked it (they recently unlocked it but I already have a new number).

But while I was there, I encounted a chick who was basically a young Miss Cleo. She had a toy Pomeranian. She had on a wife beater/cutoff ensemble w/ high heeled jellies (who knew they even made those!) and a scrunchie. She was inquiring about a prepaid phone...and get this- Bitch wanted an i-Phone.

OK I'm sorry but if your credit is that jacked that you can't get a regular plan, you should not be getting an i-Phone!

Spend your money buying a respectable outfit for when you try and convince Equifax that you're not a rent-skipping whore...and send those high heel jellies to me, mama. They was fierce!

Friends?

Ok.
Guess what? I'm frigid. My mom says that when I was ruining her tits breastfeeding back in the day, I would bite her if she left her boob there a minute after I was done. Not a touchy feely person am I.
So my latest thing is hugging and airkissing.
Gays seem to hug like after everything. Guess what. There is NO WAY a draft would be enacted and they'd pick your homo ass to ship out first. You'll probably see me tomorrow. You don't need to hug me.
And with all the friggin airkissing. Every time you go in and smooch my left cheek, do you realize you're hitting my blue tooth and shutting my phone off? I keep missing calls because you need to pretend you're French or something.

Seriously. Let's stop. A handshake will do.

Soupy Sales

I saw Fred Savage @ Soup Plantation today with a cute chick and a baby. I half expected Daniel Stern's voice to be coming out of his mouth now that he was all grown up. Sorta doable other than the fact that I just know I'd be blowing him and wanna know if I did it better than Winnie.

I know. There's so many things wrong with this story. Soup Plantation is only explainable for the fact that I can only eat soup for two weeks. Gum surgery is not cute. Thankfully, Fred wasn't hot enough for me to screw up my new gums.

I had the chicken noodle.

Homothetical Question

Say a couple throws a party for a sporting event gays don't care about. Stanley Cup perhaps...The couple gets in a fight because one half of said couple does something he's not supposed to (according to the relationship rules and the West Hollywood Sheriff). What's the appropriate action for the maligned party to take?

a) blow the cater waiter
b) shopping spree (hit em up style...very Blu Cantrell chic)
c) fuck the cater waiter
d) all the above


Just wondering...