What else are you doing Sunday @ 7?

60 Minutes asked tonight "Is America ready for a Black president?" to Barack Obama.

I don't get it. It's like asking a bisexual guy "Is America ready for a Gay president?"

Barack is mixed race so he's caucasian too isn't he? Does caucasian get capitalized? Does Black because when I look at my menu for Chinese Wok, that's a big C.

Fuck it. I just saw the end of 60 Minutes where this old guy goes on a diatribe like he's on a Metro bus arguing about giving up his seat to a handicapped rider.

Any network show that would let talent go on air like this nut bag deserves to have it's Emmys melted into commemorative Liberian coins printed with Obama's pic to be sold on QVC

Dear Janet, Nicole and Brittany

Congratulations on your big break on A&E's Intervention.

You're a HIT! Expects lots of lunches and in a few years, I'll see you at the door of Here Lounge in West Hollywood as you attempt to thwart the cover charge as you press your business card into my hand ("Oh but don't call that number. I'm restaffing" really means "My assistant quit after I couldn't pay him". Right Chyna?)

Anyway- back to you lovely Intervention ladies gals. I'm noticing a trend. The molestation. I fooled around with some dirty old men at a waterslide park when I was 11 but you don't see me stealing my mom's Precious Moments figurines to pay for crack do you? (I don't consider it a "molestation" because I was the aggressor and a horny fat kid).
I understand though. You like drugs. It's cool. But please. Each episode this season has had testimonials from family members talking about one specific thing I cannot stomach.

Shitting yourself. From your children finding you in your own mess, to your husband having to drag you to the shower...It's just not cool.

Do you know how hard it is to find a reputable carpet cleaner or to strip, sand and refinish hard wool floors? Oh nevermind. You spent all the money on junk. I'm sure your floors are that cheap wood-look laminate.

ANYWAY- Just please stop shitting yourselves. It's ruining what could be a really fun hour of television.

Mary Mary Quite Contrary

Saw a show downtown @ Mustache Mondays ($10 gets you a free mustache, a shot of Jack or Jim and a beer).
It's recorded here. Pretty good.
Halo by Beyonce

happy holidays

Supearioritee

I'm kind of a dick when it comes to spelling. When someone sends me a text that talks about what's going to happen definetaly tommarow, I let it slide.

But I will not get my hair blown out by a facility that has enough stupid people working there that they let this slide.

Put down the pipe in 2009!

Resolutions are always difficult. 2009 will hopefully be the year of the ab. Yes. Just 1. That's all I need. The rest I can do with bronzer.

Cybersocket, now on newstands and online, was cool enough to hit me up for a small feature on my resolutions for 2009.



Click it to read it. Good pic too huh? Celebrity photog Marc Cartwright does most of my pics and Jesus himself does the retouching (my testicles think it's funny when they pop into frame).

Oh and that Cybersocket link is so NSFW unless your job is say a professional fist pig or something.

Show in a nutshell*

The Life at the Stella Adler Theater is now open

You have to love musical theater to see this show. If you don't, some songs are groan worthy (shouldn't the pimp just hit the hoe, not sing about hitting her?).

Plus, that link leads to secret portal in the internets that can get you tickets for $12.50! Support the arts and shit.

The ticket price alone is worth it due to the hookers-go-all-Gloria Steinem-meets-STOMP number in the 1st act. I do the high kicks and you can practically see my kettle corn vagina.

Even with the tighest tuck possible, there's still bumps like crackerjack. Hit this up hoes.

* this blog may contain trace amounts of tree nuts, peanuts and nut meats due to processing.