On TV tonight!

I'm on the new Christian Slater show "The Forgotten" on ABC @ 10 tonight. I play the pivotal role of Drunk Guy. Better than Tranvestite #2 though right?

From Monday Sept 14th-Monday Sept21st, I've been in drag seven times. Had 6 auditions/callbacks, 3 shows and drove about 700 miles total. Up to Fresno, Long Beach twice.
The big heartbreak this week was not getting cast in a Cher/Christina Aguliera movie called Burlesque. They need a drag queen bouncer. I thought, "Perfect, I've been door-whorin' for years."
Turns out the director knows me even. But the part kept getting watered down. First it was a transvestite, then it turned into an Agnes Deyn/ androgynous Brit type; it finally ended with them wanting a male model kinda like Ziggy Stardust.
I mean seriously- It's a CHER movie. Put a fucking drag queen in it.

Things that go Bump Bump Bump

I just found my camera with some more pics from when I was doing reshoots for Ticked Off Trannies With Knives in Texas.

One thing about Texas queens- They can paint their faces to withstand 117 degree heat and a wig. So it's no shock that their nose contour stays on despite snorting copious amounts of cocaine (none of the girls in my movie but I saw lots while there ;)

Sometimes, after blowing a man dressed as Mr Peanut on Halloween in Dallas, a certain queen may lock Mr Peanut out (apres nut, at least) him out of a condo in just boxers and call the police on him. It's his fault for not bring enough beer for the afterparty.
In Dallas, you can't buy liquor after like 10pm so they have what's called boosters. They bring you shit when you need it. Dining room sets, Mattresses, boy hookers for Tyler Perry, beer, speed. I know the 8th Commandment say stealing is bad but they didn't have evil like Walmart when Moses steno'd that stuff down.

Also, sometimes after afterpartying a bit too much, you come up with brilliant ideas. Like flossing with your own hair or eating ice.

Benneton will be optioning this photo if they ever decide to do a hemp line. Puff puff and fuck it fell in the pool.

Speaking of pools. Y'know how you go underwater and then sometimes like blow you nose and fling snot? Gross but we all do it right?

Well after wearing blue eyeshadow and glitter for 3 days for continuity sake, you start to blow it of your nose. I guess the eyebone connected to the nose bone or some shit.

My new gig

I've been doing comedy shows and appearances as Jessica Simpson now for like 6 months. I know I don't sound especially like her but no one cares about how she sounds. I mean if they did, I'm guessing her albums would actually sell and she wouldn't get dropped from labels like a hot pa-titty.



What I really love though is the screencap above when it's not played yet. Sometimes you luck out with the screencapture at the beginning of the video that's gorgeous like the FunnyorDie one from 2 weeks ago. But this one makes me look like an inbred queen trying to suck her own chin. Kinda palsy-ish even.

Check out Vanitymark.com for cosmetics. Brett, the owner has especially hard to find shades for redheads and blonds- The dude does REBA, ya'll!