Hysterical Blindness

Stevie Wonder had floor seats at the Laker's game last week. I think this is a clear sign his wife is fucking whoever is in charge of his money.
Also, it's time to let go of the cornrows. Your 6 relaxed hairs will thank you.

Not on Simmons' Watch

If you are birkenstock-sporting hoe, you already have two strikes against you. One for each ugly shoe.
But if the nice Slimmons by Simmons counter lady at my exercise studio asks "what you lost" after you ask where the lost and found is, you ought to have the good sense to lie.

Because saying, "Oh, I just want to see if anyone left some shoes that I can wear for class" will make you look ghetto. And you're way too granola to be ghetto.

That's all. Oh wait. One more thing. Dreadlocks are for dorms or hot guys who play bass. Get thee to Supercuts.

Bristol be thy name

I just did my first voiceover gig. I play Bristol. She's misunderstood and not the biggest fan of her moms.

Comedy Central likes it too apparently . Can't wait to see the whole thing!



I always wanted to be animated like Gem & The Holograms and this is the closest I've gotten so far.

Drag Mothers

Every drag queen has a drag mother. Mine is LA's own Momma.

But i'd sell her up the river for a taste of these two.

Mismatchin' in the USA

I'm doing THE MISMATCH GAME as Jessica Simpson this weekend. Dennis Hensley hosts this fun, funny, filthy show! Come SATURDAY 8pm or SUNDAY 7pm! Tickets $15. JUST SHOW UP and buy a ticket at the door - at the theater at the LA Gay & Lesbian Center.

The Gay & Lesbian Center is at 1125 N. McCadden above the tranny taco stand by Highland.
It used to be a hot wings stand but too many johns complained about their dates staining the seats with orange handprints.

You Guess/I Guess

I proudly am a student at Slimmons, the exercise studio run by the king of fitness herself, Richard Simmons. It's barely in Beverly Hills but I consider it my dose of class for the weekend. The class is cardio and toning and he'll call you right out if you're not up to par. Today, my friend Cristina didn't have her her up and richard told her right out "there's no money on the floor girl. HEAD UP." That was nicer that when he told a woman that he could twirl her tits up like a Cinnabun before putting them in a brassiere.
Today, as evidenced below, was his Halloween class.


Now here's the fun part!
Richard Simmons went as a __________ for Halloween this year.

Is it
A)Gay Stringbean
B)Court Jester
C)Mardi Gras Ass Hat
D) ____? (reply in comment section)