Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives vs. GLAAD

It's been a busy week for me. I got back from 6 weeks filming in Europe, had 3 auditions and GLAAD decided to boycott a film I'm starring in. Fun, huh?

GLAAD has flat out lies on their website. They knew about this movie a while ago. It's Kill Bill for the GLBT set and is scary where it should terrify, funny when there's jokes (about appropriate material) and wham-bam-glam in the action sequences.

Three out of five (more than half) of the leading ladies in this film are actual transgender transsexuals. They taught me many things. Watch the video below and you'll see.



I was so happy doing the film and I think you can see that in my disposition in the clip. The only thing the transsexual girls (& I) in the movie objected to were the 110 degree Texas heat we filmed in. Wigs & weaves retain too much damn heat.

I have the smartest friends

I'm tired of the animosity.

Is God into Girl-on-Girl or something? He and the Holy Ghost like to sit around, shoot the shit and watch a little tepid, teenage cunnilingus from above?

I think my friend G. Charles Wright would agree that they are limiting themselves through their own hate...literally. I guess LESBIANS wouldn't fit on the signs.

Anne Frank's house had shitty Feng Shui

Do NOT utter the above line in or near the Anne Frank house while in Amsterdam. I said it while looking for a bathroom and waiting in a convoluted line. I was just trying to wash the ketchup off my hands from eating the fries they sell all over the city that I was munching on...because I was high.

My boyfriend said I ate more in 36 hours than he's seen me eat in whole weeks. Waffles, pancakes, fries, burgers, *brownies*-Amsterdam does food good. Being that I was blasted out of my skull, this is all I really remember.

This is just some house I thought was cool. Maybe those CandyLand homos Lord Peppermint and King Kandy finally shacked up or something.


This poster was super misleading. I really thought that they was going to be a cat in a tiara at the Diamond Museum. There wasn't. Pussy is a let down.


These are where the whore ladies work in the Red Light District. Red lights make the sores blend easier. These whorehouses (Yes I went in one) had shitty Feng Shui too. Well, actually, her name was Susie and she was only part Indonesian but the menu board said she'd do scat play so there you go.

Attention Passengers of Indian descent:

I'm very sorry to have to single some of you out first of all. I know you don't have toilet paper in your country and cows are Jesus there so right off the bat, we have some differences. But this needs to be addressed.



The first class lounge should not be used as a venue to moisturize your gnarly feet, paying special attention to get between each toe then put on the free socks you just recieved in your first class goodie bag.

If you fail to comply with this suggestion, please at least refrain from eating a croissant directly after without wiping off your hands.

Noncompliance will result in the removal of all your electronic adapters & gold jewelry (or at least 3 of the 4 rings on your right hand).

Take that behavior to the business class lounge. That shit don't fly in first.

Seriously,
WILLAM

As soon as you stop learning, you die.

What's this?


It's _____.
a) Unappetizing.
b) Sad.
c) Croatian for Sushi.
d) all the above

One step above whore.

Boarding houses used to prohibit prostitutes & actors from renting rooms often in the 1930's. Today, I felt worse than a Devry dropout on dicks for dimes.

While shooting in waist high snow for Bloodrayne 3 today, I was asked the following questions after a take that involved 3 huge trucks going the wrong way down a 1-way, single lane mountain pass road.

1. "Did jhou even read da script?"
2. "Vhat do jhou do for fihve hours in jhour trailer all day?"
3. "Are jhou zhee stooouhpidest aktah in zhee whoule vourld?"

My director is German by the way.

To answer....
1. Yes. I read your script the day before rehearsal started on the plane to this retched country (not that it matters since every line I have has changed).
2. I sleep, look at the pictures in magazines I don't understand and masturbate in my trailer...but only when my call is 8am and then I don't work until 1:30 in the afternoon!
3. I'd only be the stupidest actor in the whole world if I agreed to do another movie with you. (editor note 5 days later- as an actor, never start a scene unless you know what's going to happen when "Action" is yelled. Uwe helped me learn that. I guess I am a little stupid. Would totally work with him again)

It's nice to have a director though that's so easy to read. I don't have to worry after a take "I wonder what he thinks" because he either yells "Puhrfect...moving on" or "Zhat was shit. Vhat are jhou zhinking?"

It truly shows that some words transcend translation- because every single person on set from our Croatian hair team, French makeup team, Canadian Stunt team, South African special effects team and German camera department knew that calling me "stupid" was not warranted. I felt so dumb and insignificant, like Thumbelinna if she was a hooker who got stiffed by a john, all I could do is yell back and stomp off set through the snow.

It's weird, my character doesn't die at the hands of the Nazi vampires until Saturday, but somehow I'm already dead inside ;)

But y'know, let's not end on a sad note. Let's play a Croatian Guessing Game!

OK...so this is what?



a) a time machine to take me back to when acting brought me joy.
b) a Croatian Hair Dryer
c) a useless, low-wattage piece of shit
d) all the above

Girl walks into a bar...Oh wait. this isn't a joke

This is Croatian for HOTSPOT!

Girl walks into a bar with a hamster- she said cats are welcome, too- that she just got for her 17th birthday. She said she was teaching him to smoke while she did shots. I'm sure she was joking but maybe that'll be her ticket out of this country. Ringling Brothers is always looking for smoking rodentia. Maybe if she can stand on her head, Cirque will call.

Oh- don't be thinking this is a Gere/Gerbil joke. This was a straight bar. Nothng gay about this place other than when I tip 10%, it's like a pride parade. I haven't gotten laid since I've been here because I'm afraid the penises would taste like sadness.

The average tip here is "nothing-5%" the barmaid said. My co-star Lindsay Hollister & I have never seen so much poorly dyed hair or suspicious looking moles. Lindsay plans to go back to America, become an oncologist and come back to make millions here.

Everyone smokes here, even in movie theaters. So much so the actual treatment for all the aforementioned unchecked moles is to take a cigarette & just burn it off. Cancer stick to cancel Cancer. Sort of a double negative equals a positive. If it grows back though, you're fucked. And that's Croatian for diagnostics.

Drag Idol Finals this Sunday!

Please come out and support me at the Drag Idol Finals at Oasis in Upland.

If you can't, check out my last performance there that qualified me for the finals.

It's all about how a bitch fucked up and then got reported to the Better Business Bureau of America.

Croatian Guessing Game!

What is this?

If you replied to yourself "poorly cropped," you're an asshole with no spirit for gaming.

It's a Croatian refrigerator! Electric is for those civilized places like Vienna and Prague. Zagreb does it the home-spun way. Just put the shit you want cold outside in the cold. Done & Done.

Come summer, they gonna be eating some nasty ass yogurt though.